The Pipe Dream by James Neufeld
CHARACTERS:
BOBBY portraits himself as both a leader and a follower of his brother.
Argumentive in nature and very manipulative of others around him.
At times he is very pliable in his relationship with Frank, yet at times
very unyielding.
Although uneducated, displays an air of superiority towards his brother Frank!
As a leader, he's first to get up in the morning, yet he'll be the first to be
the klutz and the last one to admit it!
FRANK pretends to know how to correct his brother of
his incorrect diction, while his brother corrects "his" own
grammar! He lays claim to how wrong his brother is at times in his
folly, yet his words discredit himself! He as well displays an air of
superiority towards his brother! At times he has wit and humor that
play on words! At other times he misuses words-correcting his
brothers' own misuse of words! At times he is his brothers' best
friend, at times his worst enemy!
BRENDA plays the part of the over-sexed girlfriend of Frank. She can
be both manipulative and demanding and
sometimes confrontational. Yet she shows her man that she is
compassionate as well as understanding of Frank's plight.
MARY plays the part of BRENDA's best friend. She is very supporting
of BRENDA-yet is not afraid to confront her when she sees a double
standard. She can be both confrontational as well as compassionate
towards her friends. MARY plays a major role
RALPH: Plays the part of a mafia businessman that shafted Frank in
business contracts. He is a mafia boss that is demanding as well as
exploitive. RALPH plays a major role.
LARRY: Plays the part of a mafia soldier and RALPH's' underling.
He is insulting and demanding -yet a little slow -witted and is
fearful of his mafia boss RALPH. Plays a major role.
JOE: Plays a minor role. He is a follower and not a leader. He tries
to follow the status -quo and is against fighting.
STEVE: This bum is principled and is willing to fight for his
ideals. He is also so very trusting and gets hurt in the end because
of that very quality. STEVE plays a minor role.
JEFF: Down to earth-yet sloven in appearance. Compassionate and
frank-yet is a little visous! Plays the part of the peacemaker between
Frank, Bobby and STEVE. Plays a minor role.
PREACHER: Finds the two main characters playing cards unawares. Acts
as the peacemaker between the two in their argument over a card game.
In the end -shows compassion towards Bobby as they coerce his
involvement in their argument. They try to manipulate him into taking
sides with one of them!
POLICEMAN - PAT: He could be the keystone cop in his appraisal of
the crazy situation he stumbles upon! He is slow of wit and acts like
an innocent bystander-disbelieving of the absurdity of the whole crime
scene before him. He is slow to act in his chase scene of the culprits
that he lumps into the same category-crackpots! Yet he can not face
his own problems at home with his wife, so it keeps him from reacting
in a timely manner.
POLICE DISPATCHER - He is knowing of the policeman's personal
problems and believes it has affected his work ethics! He is not to be
seen on stage -but is a voice either by way of off- stage microphone
transmitted to auditorium speaker system. Or possibly through the
radio the policeman is using for effect! Either way the effect desired
is that the audience believes that his dispatcher is responding by way
of walkie talkie.
VOICE OVER TRAFFIC JAM - While the sound of traffic is played, any
number of voices ridicule the bums over the loud speaker until the
point in the script that the business man walks into the scene which
would have the sound of the car door opening and closing as well as
the sound of approaching footsteps. He is not to be seen of course!
ACTONE - Scene one Opening Scene/Stage Set:
One tramp standing around a barrel fire - warming his hands. He has
on layered clothes and multiple hats. Winter scene complete with
street signs and background mural of snow bank or winter scene perhaps
a tree or two. An electric powered fire is placed into the garbage can
to simulate real fire or gas powered if you're brave enough!
BOBBY: While warming hands: Well winter is here!
FRANK: No shit! From sleeping bag up in snow bank starts climbing
out, fake snow falls off sleeping bag as he sits up while in the bag:
Now there's a brilliant deduction!
BOBBY: Deductions for taxes -not for sleeping bags!
FRANK: You never understand what I tell you! I see you got a fire
going, that's real smart in the city limits -they'll arrest you!
BOBBY: Mister high a mighty that is improper English? Mama taught me
better n' you! It's I see you have a fire going!
FRANK: Why do you warm up your hands with your gloves on?
BOBBY: Oh Frank it will be fine- you don't know everything!
FRANK: You're gonna burn your gloves then don't come a -crawling
to me for a pair a gloves!
BOBBY: I've done this a hundred times before!
FRANK: You never want to take any of my advice! He no sooner gets
the words out of his mouth and the gloves start on fire:
BOBBY: Ouch -ouch -ouch!
FRANK: There see-older brothers' don't know anything! What did I say?
As he's taking them off! He throws them on the ground and they
accidentally land on Franks' sleeping bag which startles him while
he's trying to get out of the bag! Bobby starts to stomp on them to
put out the smoldering gloves for effect. He doesn't realize he is
hurting his brother as he does this- Frank is complaining!:
FRANK: Ouch-Ouch- now watch what you're doing! Yah klutz those are
mylegs!
BOBBY: My only pair of gloves! He continues to stomp away:
FRANK: You're stomping on my only pair of legs Bobby! Will you
watch yourself Bobby?
BOBBY: My poor gloves! I have to put out the fire!
FRANK: Watch what you're doing! That's my legs you're kicking
Bobby oow!
BOBBY: My only pair of glovesnow they're' ruined!
FRANK:That's my only sleeping bag!
BOBBY: Now they're ruined!
FRANK: What did I say? I no sooner got the words outa my mouth and
you done it! Not only that you put them out on my sleeping bag!
BOBBY: My only pair of gloves! As he is looking over his gloves, he
is oblivious to his brothers' sleeping bag being burnt:
FRANK: Two imprints of hands I see! Are you even listening to me?
He holds up the sleeping bag with the two imprints on it for Bobby to
see:
BOBBY: My only pair of gloves!
FRANK: See what you've done to my sleeping bag?
BOBBY: Where? I don't see nothin'! My only pair of gloves!
Bobby picks up his gloves:
FRANK: That's cuz it's still a little dark out! You're so
worried about your gloves look at the sleeping bag! Lights are
brought up a little as they both look:
BOBBY: Shit, I didn't do that! You must have bought it that way!
You better take it back!
FRANK: How can I take it back with those hand prints?
BOBBY: Well I didn't do it!
FRANK: Did so!
BOBBY: Liar -you're a liar!
FRANK: I was sitting right here when you done it!
BOBBY: No you weren't! You was still in the bag! Always been in
the bag! Sleeping -you was sleeping!
FRANK: Mama always said you was a liar!
BOBBY: You was in the bag!
FRANK: I was just getting out -but I was awake and aware of your
being an idiot!
Entrance of street people, JOE, JEFF, STEVE:
BOBBY: Shsh! Here comes some tramp friends and I don't want them
to know!
FRANK: Mum is the word!
BOBBY: We'll con them out of their gloves!
FRANK: Oh you idiot! Under breath:
JOE: Hey bro' see you've got a nice warm fire going! What smells
though?
FRANK: It's those gloves that Bobby burnt in the fire! Bobby gets
into his face:
BOBBY: I told you not to bring it up! Say nothin' mum is the word
-I said!
FRANK: Only an idiot warms up his hands with his gloves on-serves you
right!
JOE: What a moron! Takes off his gloves and starts to warm his
hands:
JEFF: Say here's one! That's all I got! It's something! Bobby
looks down- then glares at his brotherFRANK:
FRANK: Better take it- fire is dying out! Moron!
Bobby picks it up and throws the lone glove at his brother:
BOBBY: Here moron- you take it!
JEFF gets between them:
JEFF: Calm down-he's your brother! Now calm down!
STEVE: Boy Walks over to Franks' area too- forgetting his gloves
behind him: -calm down!
Bobby Spies the opportunity and secretly lifts STEVE's gloves-
sheepishly hiding them behind himself!:
FRANK: Calm down huh? Glances back to where STEVE's' gloves
were laid down last: Guess who just lifted your gloves? STEVE turns
and glares at Bobby who is hiding the gloves:
BOBBY: Don't be looking at me-I just found these!
STEVE: Let me see them!
BOBBY: They're mine now! As he turns to keep them from his view:
I found them!
STEVE: I left them over there-you've got them! Then STEVE grabs a
hold of one and they play tug of war with them!:
STEVE: Give them to me!
BOBBY: They're mine now!
STEVE: You're a bum!
BOBBY: You're a liar!
STEVE: Now he's calling me a liar!? STEVE turns toFRANK:
FRANK: Mama teach you to steal Bobby? Frank now tries to break up
the fight by going between them both:
BOBBY: But out Frank! I need gloves! I found them -some brother you
are!
JEFF: Bunch of assholes fighting over gloves! I tried to give you one
of mine free of charge! Let's go guys they're assholes! Motions
for them to leave the scene:
BOBBY: I found the gloves and they're mine!
STEVE: You was born in the brain-free zone!
JEFF: He's a no brainer! Let's go!
JOE: He needs them -let him have them!
STEVE: My only pair of gloves and "you" want to give them away!
The two gloves rip apart sending them both to the floor. Directors
note: glove could be ripped already to aid in it being separated at
this stage of the scene:
STEVE: Now you've done it! That's it!
JEFF: This isn't cool!
FRANK: Now calm down- he's my brother!
STEVE: Mimics him: Now calm down huh? Cuz he's your brother?
Like you done? You calm down or you'll be next! They roll around on
the stage faking fighting with someone offstage making sound effects
like a frying pan clanging for effect! STEVE had knocked him out then
quit. Bobby lays motionless on the stage floor:
FRANK: Well… that was my brother and don't you threaten me!
STEVE: He had it coming! But now I have no gloves!
JEFF: He got what he deserves! You don't take a mans gloves!
JOE: Yah an ass whipping!
STEVE: Especially since he ripped my gloves!
JEFF: And good old Frank defends him!
JOE: Ah -huh!
STEVE: Yep!
JOE: You said it!
FRANK: He made a mistake -I admit it! O. K.?
STEVE: Did he ever!
FRANK: I will have a talk with him later! It wasn't right no!
JEFF: See yah -wouldn't want to be yah! Let's go!
STEVE: Have a talk with him or I'll have a talk with you next!
FRANK: Oh you think so huh? I aint afraid of you! Just move on!
Frank kind of glares at them:
STEVE: You gonna talk with him? I need new gloves now!
FRANK: I said it and I will do it!
STEVE: You owe me now Frank!
FRANK: I'll do right by you! You know this just happened!
STEVE: Do right or I will know to do right by my pride!
JEFF: You know those two stick together like mud!
STEVE: He owes me new gloves and an apology!
FRANK: Just leave-haven't you caused enough harm? My word is
good!
STEVE: It better be! Your word better be good!
FRANK: Or what? I aint afraid of you- just leave while I take care of
my brother! Or I will start up on you next and that won't be pretty!
STEVE: Alright Frank, I will hold you to your word! Just remember!
As the so-called friends walk off stage acting as in fear of
retaliation the curtain falls:
End of Act One
Act Two -Scene two Scene two/Stage Set Bobby shows himself as having
two black eyes and a little stitch on his forehead! He is also wearing
the one glove on his hand! Make -up is applied to the one hand to make
it appear as a cold hand. Red: Bobby and Frank have set-up a table on
a barrel and sit on 5 gallon buckets playing cards. The height of the
table compared to the buckets should be at the height of their eye
level for a comical effect. So they will really have to reach up high
to play the cards. A couple of beers lay upon the same table and they
take a couple of sips while they are playing the game of cards.
FRANK: I can't believe we're playing War! Bobby you look like you've been
through the war!
BOBBY: Real funny! I'm winning too!He scoops up the cards:
FRANK: All cuz you wouldn't honor the man's gloves! You stole
them!
BOBBY: Only the strong survive -I had to do something!
FRANK: Well, STEVE is still mad at what you done to him! Now he has
no gloves as well!