The Good, the Bad and the Stupid by Anthony J Piccione

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This Play is the copyright of the Author and must not be Performed or Copied without the Author's prior consent

(Lights up. The play takes place in the bedroom of TIM, who is sitting
down and looking at a baseball bat that he is holding.)

TIM

Oh GodOh my GodI don't knowShould I do it? There's just
so much to think about. Part of me wants to do itbut part of me
doesn't.

VOICE (offstage)
Don't do it, Tim.

TIM
(Looks around) Who said that?

(Fade to black. Lights up to reveal ANGEL standing next to TIM)

ANGEL
I did.

TIM
Who are you?

ANGEL
I'm an angel.

TIM
An angel?

ANGEL
Yep.

TIM
You don't look like an angel.

ANGEL
Believe me. I'm the most badass angel that money can buy.

TIM
What's that supposed to mean?

ANGEL
Everything runs on money. Even angels need to get paid.

TIM
Well then how did you get in here? I didn't pay for you to come
here.

The Good, the Bad and the Stupid

2

ANGEL

Did you not hear me? I said "Don't do it". Obviously, I'm here
to make sure you don't off yourself.

TIM
Ohright. That would make sense.

ANGEL
You're more stupid than I thought.

TIM
I'm not stupid.

ANGEL

The fact that you're even thinking about suicide in the first place
tells us that you're stupid. I mean, seriously. You're going to
kill yourself with a baseball bat? How the hell are you planning on
doing that?

TIM

I don't know. I guess by likemaybe hitting myself in the head
really hard? I don't know, because I don't have a gun or a sharp
knife, so-

ANGEL
I mean, seriously? How stupid does it get?!

TIM

Well, II don't know why I'm doing it this way. It's just,
wellit's just what I had in front of me, and-

ANGEL
It doesn't matter. I'm just here to do my job, and make sure that
you don't do it at all.

TIM
Well it's too late. I've already decided that this is what I'm
gonna do.

ANGEL
You didn't seem so sure when I came in.

TIM
Well, I-

ANGEL

I mean, seriously? Why would you EVER kill yourself? That's insane!
There's gotta be a good reason.

The Good, the Bad and the Stupid

3

TIM
Wellit's this girl-

ANGEL
Jesus Christ. Here we go.

TIM

She's really pretty and nice. She's the most beautiful girl I've
ever met. You see, my car broke down that day. So I ended up having to
take the bus. It was a rainy day, and I couldn't get my umbrella
working while I was waiting at the bus stop. And that's when I met
Julie.

(Fade to black. Lights up to reveal TIM standing out in the rain,
holding a broken umbrella and trying to get it to work.)

TIM
(Trying to open umbrella) Oh God. Why won't this thing work?
(Shrugs) Damn it.

(JULIE - a young, attractive girl in her 20s enters.)

JULIE
Are you okay?

TIM
II-

JULIE
You look like you could use some help with that.

(JULIE walks closer to TIM)

JULIE (continued)
May I?

(TIM hands the umbrella to JULIE, who is able to open it rather
easily)

JULIE (continued)
It's still kinda broken, but it's the best I can do.

TIM
Thank you.

JULIE
No problem.

[end of extract]

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