The Day I Met My Fairy Godfather by Michael Moore
This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent
(AT RISE: Bundled up in a coat, LUCIA McBARON is using the pay phone.)
LUCIA: What do you mean you quit towing after mid-night? It's twelve-fifteen. It's fifteen minutes! Have you no mercy? I'm freezin' my pa-tooty off out here!
(JOHNNY BELL enters with a broom and a lunch box. He wears a tattered coat and a name tag. He unlocks the toll-booth door and stands listening to her.)
LUCIA:(continuing; listening) What do you think I want? I want my car towed. I want my friggin' life back! Hey, don't you get smart with me. I'll report you to the BBB.(listening) No! No, don't hang up. I ain't got no more money! Hello? Hello? Oh, geeze.
(LUCIA hangs up the receiver.)
JOHNNY: Sounds like you've got troubles.
LUCIA: Geeze-louise! Scare the willies out of me.
JOHNNY: Sorry.
LUCIA: Who are you?
JOHNNY: Me? I'm the booth janitor. Johnny Bell's the name. Kinda late to be out, Ain't it, Miss...?
LUCIA: McBaron. Lucia McBaron. You sure you're a janitor?
(He places the broom in the booth.)
JOHNNY: (chuckling) That's what my name tag says.
LUCIA: (low, to herself) Geeze. Now there's ya a job.
JOHNNY: (louder, from inside the booth) At least I got one.
LUCIA: What?
JOHNNY: (from inside the booth) I said, "What's wrong with your car?"
LUCIA: The sorry clunker died! Hey, you gotta a quarter on you I could borrow? I'll pay you back.
JOHNNY: (from inside the booth) 'Fraid not.
LUCIA: Got a cell phone? That booth gotta phone?
(JOHNNY exits the booth.)
JOHNNY: Turn 'em off at ten.
LUCIA: Oh.
(Carrying his lunch box, he sits on the little curb that surrounds the booth. He opens the box lid and takes out his thermos. He pours some hot chocolate into a little cup and offers it to LUCIA.)
JOHNNY: I got some hot chocolate, though. Want some?
(She takes the cup. He pours some more into another cup for himself.)
LUCIA: Sure. Thanks. Anything to warm up.
JOHNNY: Where you headed?
LUCIA: Ah--up to Latham Street. To visit some friends.
JOHNNY: Must be some good friends; let ya visit 'em at midnight. (a beat)
Sure, you weren’t headed to that Salvation Army Shelter up on Holt?
LUCIA: Ha! Me? No way. I live in Fulgrum.
JOHNNY: Is that right?
LUCIA: Yeah. In a nice, big, warm house.
JOHNNY: Uh-huh.
LUCIA: What? You don't believe me?
JOHNNY: Sure, I do. It's just that--most of the people I seen from Fulgrum, don't drive cars--(nodding towards her car)--like that.
(LUCIA turns her back to JOHNNY as she stares off-stage at her broken-down car and. Her demeanor shows utter defeat. JOHNNY looks up towards the heavens.)
JOHNNY: See?