The Day I Met My Fairy Godfather by Michael Moore

This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent

(AT RISE: Bundled up in a coat, LUCIA McBARON is using the pay phone.)

LUCIA: What do you mean you quit towing after mid-night? It's twelve-fifteen. It's fifteen minutes! Have you no mercy? I'm freezin' my pa-tooty off out here!

(JOHNNY BELL enters with a broom and a lunch box. He wears a tattered coat and a name tag. He unlocks the toll-booth door and stands listening to her.)

LUCIA:(continuing; listening) What do you think I want? I want my car towed. I want my friggin' life back! Hey, don't you get smart with me. I'll report you to the BBB.(listening) No! No, don't hang up. I ain't got no more money! Hello? Hello? Oh, geeze.

(LUCIA hangs up the receiver.)

JOHNNY: Sounds like you've got troubles.

LUCIA: Geeze-louise! Scare the willies out of me.

JOHNNY: Sorry.

LUCIA: Who are you?

JOHNNY: Me? I'm the booth janitor. Johnny Bell's the name. Kinda late to be out, Ain't it, Miss...?

LUCIA: McBaron. Lucia McBaron. You sure you're a janitor?

(He places the broom in the booth.)

JOHNNY: (chuckling) That's what my name tag says.

LUCIA: (low, to herself) Geeze. Now there's ya a job.

JOHNNY: (louder, from inside the booth) At least I got one.

LUCIA: What?

JOHNNY: (from inside the booth) I said, "What's wrong with your car?"

LUCIA: The sorry clunker died! Hey, you gotta a quarter on you I could borrow? I'll pay you back.

JOHNNY: (from inside the booth) 'Fraid not.

LUCIA: Got a cell phone? That booth gotta phone?

(JOHNNY exits the booth.)

JOHNNY: Turn 'em off at ten.


(Carrying his lunch box, he sits on the little curb that surrounds the booth. He opens the box lid and takes out his thermos. He pours some hot chocolate into a little cup and offers it to LUCIA.)

JOHNNY: I got some hot chocolate, though. Want some?

(She takes the cup. He pours some more into another cup for himself.)

LUCIA: Sure. Thanks. Anything to warm up.

JOHNNY: Where you headed?

LUCIA: Ah--up to Latham Street. To visit some friends.

JOHNNY: Must be some good friends; let ya visit 'em at midnight. (a beat)
Sure, you weren’t headed to that Salvation Army Shelter up on Holt?

LUCIA: Ha! Me? No way. I live in Fulgrum.

JOHNNY: Is that right?

LUCIA: Yeah. In a nice, big, warm house.

JOHNNY: Uh-huh.

LUCIA: What? You don't believe me?

JOHNNY: Sure, I do. It's just that--most of the people I seen from Fulgrum, don't drive cars--(nodding towards her car)--like that.

(LUCIA turns her back to JOHNNY as she stares off-stage at her broken-down car and. Her demeanor shows utter defeat. JOHNNY looks up towards the heavens.)


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