Take Seven! by W Terrence Gordon


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THE KAMA SUTRA QUIZ AND THE THREAD COUNT KING and QUEEN

      CHARACTERS
      ABBY- 30 to 50
      BABS- 30 to 50
      CAT- 30 to 50
      DOT- 30 to 50
      EFFIE- 30 to 50
      FIL(OMENA) - 30 to 50
      GIL(DA) – 30 to 50

      ABBY:  Here we go with our Kama Sutra quiz.  I know you’ve studied hard…

      BABS:  Key word “hard.”

      CAT:        I haven’t been chained to the desk.

      DOT:  Not to the desk but to…?

      ABBY:  No chains in the Kama Sutra.  Bodies.  Just bodies.

      EFFIE:  Sitting up in bed?

      BABS:  Key word “up.”

      FIL:        Reading in bed?

      ABBY:  No reading in bed.  The reed is in water. #171.  Here it is.  He
      kneels upright as she lies semi-inverted with her legs along the front
      of his body.

      GROUP:  Appreciative Oo’s and Ah’s.

      CAT:        Reed me some more, Mr. Big.

      ABBY:  Let’s get going.  I give the number, you name the
      position.    Ready?  #183.

      BABS:  That’s the first position!

      GROUP:  Hey! What! No way!

      CAT:  1 to 182 is what? Foreplay?

      DOT:  What’s #1?

      ABBY:  The missionary position is first, but it’s not number one.

      CAT:  If one isn’t first it’s the numbers that are kinky, not the
      positions.

      EFFIE:  What is #1?

      ABBY:  The shampooer.

      FIL:  Oh, baby! You’re incredible!  Will you do me again tomorrow
      night?

      GROUP:  Laughter.

      FIL:  So what’s #2?  The manicurist?

      BABS:  That’s #76.

      ABBY:  Good on you, Babs!

      CAT:  What?

      ABBY:  It’s called fixing a nail.

      FIL:  Flossing each other in there anywhere?

      ABBY:  No but #261 is the toothpick.

      BABS:  Oral sex.

      DOT:  OK, #183 is the first position. So there’s going to be what:
      182 grooming tips before we get to the first position?  You’re gonna
      look gorgeous but you’ll be too tired to … reach nirvana.

      EFFIE:  Reach nirvana!?! You’ll be lucky if your guy doesn’t get
      dressed and go home without saying goodbye.

      ABBY:  319.

      FIL:  What?

      ABBY:  #319 is the farewell.

      BABS:  If #183 is the first position, the farewell should be 184 to
      reward the guy who stuck around while you did 1 to 182…all by
      yourself.

      ABBY:  Come on here. Focus! Focus!  Ready?  #121.

      Nobody answers.  They all look at each other.  Some shake their heads,
      some shrug.

      ABBY:  The scholar.

      DOT:  Hey, who’s got time to read when you’re…

      FIL:  Or a free hand to hold a book open.

      DOT:  So tell us how it goes for the scholar.

      ABBY:  He pins you against the wall with his body and holds you up with
      his thighs.

      EFFIE:  With just his thighs?

      CAT:  Now that is scholarship.

      BABS:  Not your usual pin-up.

      FIL:  I’m not even going to tell my husband about that one.

      Enter Gil. Her arm is in a sling.

      GIL:  Tell him everything.

      GROUP:  Gil! You made it ! What happened to you?

      GIL:  I forgot to tell him that when I’m riding side saddle he
      can’t be a bucking bronco.

      ABBY:  88, 248 or 288?

      EFFIE:  She’s 121, the scholar.  That’s our Abby.

      ABBY:  Horse at full gallop, the race horse, or the running horse?

      GIL:  I guess any one of them would be going fast enough to give me a
      broken arm, but we were doing the sitting monkey.

      GROUP:  Scattered laughter.

      GIL:  I should have sklpped the pure nirvana note.

      EFFIE:  Tell us, tell us.

      GIL:  Lean back on your hands and thrust your hips.  That’s when he
      bucked.

      ABBY:  Gil, maybe we should get you to give us a little presentation
      at the next meeting on the ten safest positions.

      GIL:  Sure, I’m going to have a little extra time on my hands…well,
      hand.

      CAT:  OK, so we’ve got a monkey in there that’s just as dangerous
      as the three horses. 

      GIL:  (Hesitantly) Actually, there’s another monkey in there.

      CAT:  Tell us.

      GIL:  Well…uh…

      DOT:  Wrong time to go shy on us, Gil.

      ABBY:  It’s the monkey embrace.

      GIL:  (Surprised and relieved) Yes.

      EFFIE:  You and Joe should have settled for that one, Gil.

      GIL:  Who told you I was with Joe?

      GROUP:  Oh! Oh! Hoo-ee! Yeah! Mm-mm!

      ABBY:  And you just might know one more, Gil.

      GIL:  Why is everyone picking on me?

      ABBY:  OK, I’ll say it for you. #320.  The singing monkey.

      FIL:        There’s got to be more to it.

      BABS:  Oh, yes.  He coordinates music and orgasm.

      GROUP:  OK! All right! Hey! Name that tune!

      CAT:        His orgasm, hers, or both?

      BABS:  The KS says the music is supposed to be opera. I read that a
      woman killed her husband because he started to sing the SpongeBob
      theme song when she was getting ready to climax.

      CAT:        I would have killed the bugger too.


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