Stage Bloopers by Tweed Harris

This Book is the copyright of the Author, and may not be performed, copied or sold without the Author's prior consent

STAGE BLOOPERS

STAGE FAME AND MISFORTUNE.

Several years later I was part of a small company of actors in a local boy's club. One of my co-actors was a young man called Maurice Micklewhite - everyone called him Micky Micklewhite. He played the lead in our first production and was clearly so outstanding that he went on to become Sir Michael Caine.

That was his Fame. I, on the other hand, went into a group of actors (my first paid job) who performed in churches in the city at lunch times for the city workers. Naturally, performing in churches our offerings were religious in content. On one occasion I, playing a lowly shepherd at the time of the birth of Jesus, walked gracefully on stage (the front of the church known as the Apse), raised my hand heavenwards and declared, "Lo, yon star shines brighter than the rest." My hand pointing towards the star was beautifully decorated with a silver wristwatch.

That was my misfortune. I quickly withdrew the offending wrist within my robes and played the rest of the play as though I only had one arm or was at least deformed in some way.

No one on stage noticed, why should they they were paying rapt attention to their own roles. To this day I do not think anyone in the audience (or should that be congregation) noticed my wearing a piece of jewellery approximately 1800 years ahead of its time (pun intended).

NOT EVERYONE CAN WEAR TIGHTS.

Period pieces often call for rather tight trousers on men and this can present many problems.

On one occasion a fellow actor could not get into his tight trousers without showing the outline of modern underpants. No problem, just don't wear underpants. Big problem.

Well, it was for the audience and us because he had a rather big, should we call it a problem that stood out in the tight trousers. After the first night the wardrobe managed to find other trousers that could be worn without distracting the females (and I suspect a few males) in the audience.

In "Vanity Fair" the tight trousers were made for us and were made of sufficiently thick material so we could get away without wearing underpants. The wardrobe mistress had decided the trousers should at least have zips to facilitate donning and doffing (putting on and taking off). Oh dear, just try when you are not wearing underpants to do up a zip on tight trousers and keep your favourite hairpiece out of harm's way.

Everyone was very successful with this manoeuvre except for one night when all was well until the gentleman had to go down on one knee. It was then he realised that some stray hairs had become trapped. He had to grin and bear it until his proposal had been accepted and he could rise again.

Many people thought he was such a romantic with those tears in his eyes.

[end of extract]

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