Midnight in the Land of Sexsmith by Mikhael Bassilli

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This Play is the copyright of the Author and must not be Performed or Copied without the Author's prior consent

HEMSLEY SEXSMITH:
30s with a posh English accent. He wears a bright red robe and
tighty-whities. Mascara is smeared onto his cheeks. His nails painted
black. He's hung over today… as every day.

ROMINA MIDNIGHT:
20s with a midriff and panties. Her nail polish is chipped and her
heavy make-up from the night before still in tact though her hair is a
mess.

THE SEXSMITH LOVE BUBBLE.

We're inside a Van Nuys guesthouse/studio. A window and a door are
the only avenues to the outside world.

The walls are chipping, the carpet is threadbare, and a cardboard sign
hanging on the door, reads: "Not homeless. I just need gas money."

A blowup mattress rests crooked in the center of the room. On it, the
lifeless bodies of HEMSLEY SEXSMITH and ROMINA MIDNIGHT.

On the side table, a single sausage rests on a plate.

On the floor, a few feat from the bed, an alarm sounds. BEEP! BEEP!
BEEP! Blaring.

Romina—in a sleepy daze—unsuccessfully reaches for the alarm.

ROMINA
Where's the fucking alarm, man.

Hemsley extracts a cigarette from his robe and lights it.

ROMINA
Can you get the fucking alarm?

Hemsley springs out of the sack and onto his feet. He throws a scarf
around his neck, reaches for a golf club, and approaches a pair of
panties on the floor. He grabs the panties, revealing the alarm.

(CRASH!) Hemsley swings the golf club, sending the alarm smashing
through the window.

HEMSLEY
Fore!
(pause as he watches the imaginary golf ball fly through the imaginary
sky)
God damnit! Just a cunt hair off.
(to Rominai)
Oh, good morning. My apologies, should've warned you first…
darling.

Romina storms into the bathroom.

HEMSLEY
Get ready. I'm going to treat you like a real lady today and take
you to Denny's for breakfast.

Hemsley fiddles with the sausage on the side table as Romina storms
back in, flipping the room upside down in a frenzy as Hemsley watches.

ROMINA
Tampons. I left a box of tampons here.

HEMSLEY
Are you going to eat this sausage? (beat) Yes or no… it's a simple
question.

ROMINA
Why'd you cheat on me?

[end of extract]

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