Magic Memories by Dana Hall
This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent
SCENE I: Amy and Sam are on a video call working on the Yearbook. It is a Sunday night at the beginning of March.
AMY: So dull.
SAM shows a sketch of the yearbook page with the words ‘Magic Memories’ in brown font.
SAM: I thought it was rather warm with a medium intensity.
AMY: Not the font color! This school year!
SAM: Well, Amy, if we don’t finish this yearbook, that’ll be some drama! Because the drama club will come for us-we haven’t even gotten the photos from the Winter production in here yet. (Exasperated) Uhh.
AMY: Forget about that for second- It’s nearly the end of eighth grade, and nothing exciting has happened. They should call this thing ‘Boring Memories’ instead of ‘Magic Memories’; at least, it wouldn’t build expectations.
SAM: Come on, don’t be like that. Don’t you remember Tuesday?
SAM: Tuesday at lunch.
AMY: Chicken nugget day- (sarcastic) Woah look out!
SAM: Would you let me finish?-
AMY: Go on…
SAM: Adrianna snuck up to hug Tommy while he was in line.
AMY: (teasing) How many pages should we reserve for this?
SAM: It wasn’t Tommy! It was Mr. Feinberg!
AMY: The principal?
SAM: Yup, you should've seen her face when Mr. Feinberg turned around (SAM imitates Adrianna’s face of shock and horror)- now that was a Magic Memory!
(SAM acts out the incident.)
Troy laughed so hard that chocolate milk shot out of his mouth and nose. It landed all over Julie’s bio homework. Jessie had their fake home economics baby on the table. Julie grabbed the diaper right off of it in desperation to wipe the chocolate milk.
AMY: Geez! What a mess.
SAM: Yeah, you’re not kidding- Adrianna got detention, Tommy is jealous, Julie lost points on their assignment, and Jessie lost custody of his fake baby for not changing its messy diaper. Ha!
AMY: I mean, that’s something… but not some thing/
SAM: I don’t hear the difference/
AMY: These are not memories that people will hold on to forever!
SAM: I think Beth might disagree. She was sitting across from Troy- (Makes a ‘yikes’ face) her sweater was covered in booger milk. (realizing) Hey, you know what? It was the color of this font.
Sam holds up the sketch again.
Ha! Guess I was inspired—life imitating art.
AMY: Jr. high is practically over, and all we have is spilt milk!?
SAM: Mouth and NOSE--
AMY: You mentioned that-
SAM: (To self) I don’t think I can look at this sketch the same way now.
AMY: (disappointed) I don’t want to go through all of Middle School with nothing but ordinary - this is supposed to be the best years of our lives.
SAM: Well, then I want a refund because intro to algebra is sucking the joy out of my life.
AMY: There are movies made about kids our age having adventure, romance, mysteries/
SAM: -yearbook committees that have gone into the witness protection programs because the school revolted against them-
AMY: It’s hard to be motivated to finish this stuff. Sam, doesn’t working on these images for “Magic Memories 2023” feel empty?
We see images of high school students.
I mean come on look at this- (picture) Oh look Cheryl is scoring a goal, Tim giving a speech, Jacklyn walking down the hall- (bored tone) these are the memories of our life?
SAM: Too bad we didn’t get one of Adrianna’s face or, better yet Troy! I’m gonna tell my grandkids about that! (imitates) PSHSHHHHHH-- like a hose.
AMY: Are you done?
SAM giggles again.
SAM: Ok. Now I am.
AMY is looking down at her phone.
SAM: I said I was done.
AMY: No, not you- Mark. He’s asking if we’re ready to add his pictures into the format.
SAM: Uhhh- we’ve been avoiding you for a reason, Mark. We’re weeks behind on this deadline. I’m still sketching some pages out.
AMY: Why are you still all up in your sketch pad? We need this digital.
AMY invites Mark on the video call.
SAM: I am an old-school artist. What can I say? I’m like Picasso.
AMY: Picasso didn’t draw anime.
SAM: (Verbally mocks Amy) Picasso was too good for anime blah blah
AMY: Well, I invited him on, guess we can break it to him together.
SAM: I think he would've liked it. After all, he didn’t follow anatomy proportions either.
MARK is on the call.
AMY: Hey Mark-
SAM: Before you even ask- we aren’t ready to add your photos yet we are/ (really behind)
MARK: No, no, not that - well, kind of that too. What have the two of you been doing? The layout should’ve been done by now or the whole book release will be thrown off, if that happens we might as well consider switching schools/
AMY: Oh, and I didn’t even pack/
MARK: For what?
AMY: For your guilt trip!
MARK: Funny- but that’s not what I wanted to tell you two; I’ve got some interesting information/
MARK: It’s very interesting…
SAM: Well, it’s not like we have a yearbook to finish or anything, so please take your time.
MARK: Something that you can’t tell anyone else/
AMY: Ok. ok. Spill it.
MARK: Principal Feinberg is missing.
AMY: What? Are you sure?
SAM: I saw him Tuesday at lunch-
AMY: How do you know he’s missing?
MARK: He’s my wrestling coach and didn’t show for practice today- I asked the main office, and they didn’t seem to have a clue where he was either.
SAM: Today is only Thursday-maybe he took some time off, we’ll probably see him Monday morning bright and early handing out tardies.
AMY: But what if we don’t? Teachers don’t like to use up those vacation days. He might really be missing.
MARK: I know! I ran into Cindy, from chess club, we were both waiting for the late bus. I told her Feinberg was a no show and she said she wasn’t surprised. Get this- she saw him climb out his office window Tuesday after school, and he hasn’t been back on campus since.
AMY: Odd. Just gone. Why would he climb out his window? - That’s so strange.
SAM: Maybe he had an emergency, you know…(leans in and whispers) diarrhea. It can happen to the best of us, you know what my cousin always says- never trust a fart.
AMY: A man is missing- I’m sure your pearls of wisdom will come in handy.
SAM: It has -you’d be surprised.
MARK: I can see why we are so far behind on the Yearbook.
AMY: So what do we do?
SAM: Do we know where he lives? We could stop by. See if his car is there.
AMY: Really? Do you have a license I don’t know about?
SAM: Well, no not technically. I have driven a golf cart; my Dad likes to drink a few when he’s ten over par.
AMY: Not. Helpful.
SAM: Correct. He’s much worse when he drinks. But he tips great.
MARK: I’ve got something that might help.
MARK: (reveals) His cell.
SAM: Noooo. We can’t unlock the Principal’s cell phone. Can we?
AMY: What if he’s in danger? This could give us the answers.
SAM: What are the questions?
MARK: Where is Principal Feinberg?- for one!
AMY: We can just look at the last called number or his emergency contacts and ask if they have seen him.
SAM: (Pretends to call) Hi. Complete adult stranger? Yeah- it’s me, Sam Kurtuz, I’m an eighth grader at Morse Jr. High. I have my missing Principal's cell phone, who we think may be in trouble. Do you know the whereabouts of this fine fellow? Feel free to call me back, I’ll likely be serving a lifetime of detentions so I’ll be easy to find.
(Pretends to hang up phone)
MARK: It could work.
SAM: I’m not incriminating myself! How did you get the phone anyway?
MARK: Found it in the parking lot in Mr. Feinberg’s parking spot.
AMY: Oh no! Maybe we should call the police. File a missing person’s report.
SAM: Does anyone even know his first name?
MARK: Pretty sure we just named the Jonas brothers.
SAM: Do we know any of our teachers’ first names?
AMY/MARK/SAM: No/Nope/Not a one.
MARK is looking down at the cell phone pressing buttons.
AMY: What are you doing?
MARK: (calming her) Easy. It’s locked anyway.
SAM: Go figure.
MARK: Yup. Password protected.
AMY: What could his password be?
SAM: Detention? Hallpass? NoRunningInTheHall. Try that last one all as one word.
MARK: It’s a number code.
AMY: His birthday?
SAM: We don’t even know the guy’s first name; pretty sure we don’t know his birthday.
MARK: Cindy works in the office during study hall. Maybe she could get Mr. Feinberg’s personal information.
SAM: Isn’t that a crime? I’ve got perfect attendance this year. I'm not blowing it with jail time.
AMY: It’s almost dinner over here. Mark, you talk to Cindy tomorrow at school and see if she would be willing to help.
MARK: Ok. I have science with her- I’ll bring it up then.
SAM: And I will not do anything because I don’t need conspiracy charges on my transcripts going into high school.
AMY: Come on Sam! Don’t you want to be a part of something that matters?
SAM: I walk dogs at Animal Welfare and I always return the shopping cart for my mom. I feel like I’m doing my civic duty- thanks.
MARK and AMY stare at SAM until they give in.
SAM: FINE! I guess - I’ve not done anything social this year but work on documenting others’ being social for the yearbook.
AMY: So that’s a yes? Great- glad you’re in! No one say a word to anyone else about this- besides to Cindy-
SAM: I’d hate to see him get fired.
MARK: Right, and if the other students find out Mr. Feinberg is gone, they'll realize there isn’t anyone around to write them up! Bullies will have free rein!
AMY: We won’t let that happen. We’ll figure this out and keep the bullies in check and keep Mr. Feinberg from getting fired in the meantime.
SAM: I’m like a vault locked up tight. (Burps) Ok. Now I am.
MARK: This is definitely the most interesting thing that has happened this year!
MARK/AMY: Not the burp!
AMY: (OS) Coming Mom! After school we go straight home- we have a mystery to solve.
SAM/MARK Wave goodbye.
SAM/MARK: (overlap) bye/see you/ later