Dead Ringer by David Mauriello


DOWNLOAD


This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author’s PRIOR consent


                    AT RISE.
                        Night. A Graveyard.

      CHLOE
      (shivers, hugs herself, looks around)
      Oh, itís so dark, and quiet.  Hate beiní here.  But I want to be
      sure.  Ohhh.

      REG
      Wahtcaí expect in a graveyard after midnight.  How much longer you
      want to wait?

      CHLOE
      Doan know. Ohhh.  (hugs herself again)

      REG
      Here, let me do the hugginí.

      HE embraces her lustily, kissing her on the neck. SHE slaps him away

      CHLOE
      Not yet!

      REG
      Ya didnít mind when he was liviní

      CHLOE
      Thatís different.  He wasnít dead.  Or we didnít think he was
      dead. And if heís not how do we know that new cell phone will work.
      Has anyone tried it before?  I like the old wayÖtie a string on the
      wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the
      ground and tie it to a bell so when he pulls the string, the bell
      rings.

      REG
      This will work. (taps his pocket)  And it saves all the fuss about
      strings and bells.  Whatís the difference if it donít work.
      Heís dead. He wonít be usiní it.

      CHLOE
      So you are sure?

      REG
      Doan know why you ainít.

      CHLOE
      Poor Burt.  Laid out and everyone just lookiní at him.

      REG
      Thatís what wakeís are for.  Make sure it ainít a false alarm.

      CHLOE
      Sally Bickers didnít have to stab him with her hat pin.  Jealous
      bitch.

      REG
      Sometimes a little test is required just to be sure the corpse is a
      corpse.

      CHLOE
      Ya know her tits ainít real tits.  Silly-con.

      REG
      Nooo.  They look pretty good.  (grabs at her)  But not like these twin
      beauties I see here.

      CHLOE
      (slapping him away)
      Not yet!

      REG
      Just a kiss.  The first one with Burt dead.

      CHLOE
      God forbid IF he is still alive.  You know the stories.  When they
      removed the old caskets to make room for the new. Sometimes the bones
      are twisted in panic, the mouth wide open, screaming. And the claw
      marks on the sides of the coffin.  Ohhh.  I just want to be sure.

      REG
      You just want to drive me mad.  Címon, a little peck. A nibble on
      your ear like you like.

      CHLOE
      But.

      REG
      You are a teaser.

      CHLOE
      I wonder if the wake was long enough.

      REG
      They found him behind the alehouse, plumb stone cold. That was almost
      three days ago.  Old Dell washed him down.  Thatís enough to wake
      the dead.  Then we all watched at the wake.  And heís been down
      there a couple of hours already.

      CHLOE
      I know but..

      REG
      Iíll tell you a secret.  Make you feel better.  When no one was
      looking?  I lit a match to his feet.

 

[end of extract]



DOWNLOAD