Cinderella… with a Twist by David Killerby


This Play is the copyright of the Author and must NOT be Performed without the Author's PRIOR consent


(A village square in Cornucopia. Early dawn light. Enter Miss Magna.
She demonstrates her magic powers by making a crystal ball on a
plinth slide in from the wings. It lights up, she gazes into it,
makes it disappear again, then talks to audience )

MISS MAGNA Greetings, greetings, one and all,
Greetings, greetings, great and small,
Welcome to our Pantomime,
A journey to another time
Of make-believe, and magic, too
Of nonsense things, and bally-hoo

The tale of Cinderella shall unfold
A tale that,s known to young and old
Poor Cinders, made to work all day
Whilst her stepsisters laugh and play
And when her stepmother does rave
Our Cinders still stays calm and brave

But wait, tis early yet to tell you all
That happens there in Hardup Hall
The house that Baron Hardup keeps
Where Sisters laugh, and Cinders weeps
There is a happy end in sight
Which you shall see, this very night.

So, come into this village square
And meet the people who live near
Lord Mayor, and Baron Hardup, too
To wicked Rudolf Just shout Boo!!
Miss Magna, Buttons, villagers all
And Prince charming, at the Ball

And so I say, just one more time
Welcome to our Pantomime.

(Lights are now up to daylight, fade in music )

(Music as villagers enter, selling their goods, children with horse,
Miss Magna sets up her stallAll sing along to the music.
(OO-BLA-DI.OO-BLA-DAH or similar )

(Enter Lord Mayor, interrupts the music )

MAYOR Silence, silence, Quiet everybody, Quiet please,
Listen please

VILLAGER 1 Hooray for the Lord Mayor

VILLAGER 2 Hurray for Al Dermann, the Lord Mayor

ALL ( yea, Bravo,.. Good old Al Dermann,.. Good old Al.etc.. )

MAYOR Yes, yes, Quiet please, Thank you folks, Thank you. Now,
Quiet please, I have an important announcement to make. Our Royal
Prince of Cornucopia, Prince Charming himself, is on his way to the
village at this very moment.

VILLAGERS Hooray, Long live the Prince ( etc. etc.)

MAYOR Now, let me remind you, tomorrow is the Prince,s birthday

VILLAGERS Hooray, Happy Birthday! ( etc.)

MAYOR So don,t forget to behave yourselves, bow nicely, and wish him a
Happy Birthday

(Villagers make mock bows and curtseys )

VILLAGERS Look out, here comes the Prince now!

(Villagers cheer and applaud as Dandini enters, followed by Prince Charming and page boys)

DANDINI Make way for His Royal Highness Prince Charming

PRINCE Thank you, thank you, my dear friends. Yes, indeed, tomorrow
is my birthday ...

( More cheers from villagers )

PRINCE .and I am here today to invite you to a grand birthday
ball I shall be giving tomorrow night.

( More cheers from villagers )

PRINCE Yes, yes, but there is one thing I wish to ask you, to help me
celebrate on my special day, I will ask Lord Dandini to explain

DANDINI By His special wish, and Royal Command, His Highness Prince
Charming of Cornucopia does invite and command the people of this
village to attend his Birthday Celebration Ball at the Royal Palace
tomorrow night. As a special birthday gift from his people, he wishes
them to perform an entertainment for his guests. He hereby decrees
that the Lord Mayor, Mr. Al Dermann, shall select such talented people
as may be among you, and prepare a happy and jolly item of
entertainment for his guests. For this service, you will all be
welcome to all the food and drink you can swallow.

MAYOR What? An entertainment? Me ? You mean singing ?...and
dancing? ?

PRINCE That,s right, Lord Mayor,Good man, I know you can do it.
( Excitement among village ladies , who run to the Mayor showing dance
steps, and singing, ( badly) etc. Children join in, and the horse
escapes. Panic follows as everyone chases after the horse, leaving
Prince, Dandini and Miss Magna on stage)

DANDINI Good day, madam,and you are?

MISS MAGNA My name is Miss Magna, sir, I am the fortune teller of
this village.

PRINCE Miss Magna? Miss Magna. Why, I,ve heard that name before. Yes,
My father used to tell me of a friendly old witch, who lived in this village many
years ago. You must be her daughter.

MISS MAGNA No, your Highness, I am the friendly old witch you speak

PRINCE But my father spoke of many years ago, many, many years

MISS MAGNA That is so, Your Highness, I am very, very old,.and
very, very wise. Your father used to consult me often, he knew about
my magic powers. He knew that not only could I tell his fortune, but I
could also make it come true.

PRINCE If that is so, Miss Magna, perhaps you can help me with my
fortune , too?

MISS MAGNA It would be an honour, Your Highness. How can I help you?

PRINCE Miss Magna , Each morning, as I ride through the forest hunting
deer, I see a lovely girl in the distance. I have often tried to
reach her and speak to her, but she always seems to disappear as I
approach. She must know every inch of the forest to disappear so


PRINCE Well, I have searched everywhere for this girl, and I must find
her or I will have no rest. I have failed in my search,
—-so—-I—-appeal to you, and your magical powers, to help me.

MISS MAGNA I am sure I can help you, dear Prince. Please, go back to
your palace, and make out invitations for the ball tomorrow. Address
one to each of the ladies of the Kingdom, but leave one invitation
without a name. Send Dandini to me with it, in one hours time, and I
will see that the girl of your dreams will get it, and she will be at
the ball.

PRINCE I believe you can work this miracle, Miss Mab, and if you do,
you will be richly rewarded. Come Dandini, we have work to do. Thank
you. Good-bye, Miss Mab .

( Exit Prince &Dandini. Miss Magna remains
Centre stage, thinking. )

( Sinister music. Enter Rudolf. He approaches
Miss Magna from behind, and—-)


MISS MAGNA ( Calmly) I beg your pardon. So, it,s you, Rudolf. What
do you want after all these years. I thought we,d seen the last of

RUDOLF Not a very nice welcome, Miss Magna, not nice at all. And
since you ask, I,ll tell you what I,ve come for. I,ve come to tell you
to start packing up all this junk ( Indicates villagers stalls )—I,m
givingyou fair warning, don,t you think ? I,m going to throw you all
out. All this is Baron hardup,s property, and as the Baron is stoney
broke, and can,t pay his bills, I,m planning to buy the entire
estate,.kick everybody out ! —every body, that is, excepting his
daughter Cinderella. Cinderella,—-I will Marry—- Lucky

( Gloats at audience, provoking Boos )

MISS MAGNA Marry Cinderella? No , You can,t do that.

RUDOLF Oh, yes I can

MISS MAGNA No, no, you can,t

RUDOLF Oh , yes I can, ( To audience ) OH YES I CAN!
Audience react " Oh no you can,t " Repeat ad lib )

MISS MAGNA Cinderella? Marry Cinderella? My beloved god-child? No,
never. Don,t you dare harm a hair of her head.

RUDOLPH Oh, I shan,t do that. I,m far too fond of her

MISS MAGNA And you really think that Cinderella will marry an ancient
old devil like you?

RUDOLF Of course she will. She will do anything to help her father,
Baron Hardup, and when she marries me, I,ll see things aren,t too bad
for him — keep him on as a gardener or something.

MISS MAGNA Randy Rudolf,—She will not marry you. Not whilst I,m here
to protect and help her.

RUDOLF Don't be ridiculous. What power has a silly old worn-out fairy
like you against a crafty old devil like me? Ha-Ha-Ha-Haaa-a-a- a.

MISS MAGNA Old I may be, but in these veins there boils the blood of
my ancient imperial ancestor, the Mighty Mysterious Queen Magna of
Eternity. I will fight you to the end!.

RUDOLF SO, Is it war, then ?

MISS MAGNA War, to the end!

( Makes magic gestures, producing sound and light effects )

RUDOLF HA! Hocus Pocus! You don,t frighten me, Missis Mop,—We.ll
see, we,ll see, . HA-HA-HA_A_A.

( Exit Rudolf, laughing wickedly. Re-acts to audience boos )

MISS MAGNA Oh dear, What a morning this has been,. Havn,t had such a
bustle in years. One more visitor to come. Little does Rudolf know,
but powers are already at work to thwart his evil plans.

(Enter Dandini )

MISS MAGNA Ah, Dandini, here you are.

DANDINI Yes Miss Magna, I have come as you ordered. I have brought the
invitation. Now, you must tell me what you plan to do with it. I warn
you, the Prince is quite desperate to find this young girl, we mustn,t
make any mistakes.

MISS MAGNA We won,t make any mistakes. Now, have you any invitations
for Hardup Hall ?

DANDINI Yes, one for the Baron and Baroness, and one each for Miss
Nausea and Miss Phobia.

MISS MAGNA Good, - Now, you must take the spare invitation to Hardup
Hall as well. You will find that Baron Hardup has only one daughter,
her named is Cinderella. Nausea and Phobia are his stepdaughters. I
believe that if you give this invitation to Cinderella, the Prince's
search will be over.

DANDINI Very well Miss Magna, I will do as you say. Now, how do I get
to Hardup Hall.

MISS MAGNA Straight on to the crossroads, past the roadworks, then
close your eyes, turn round three times, then follow the "diversion
" signs.

( Turns Dandini around twice and pushes him offstage)

( Lights fade as tabs curtains close

ACT 1 Scene 2

( Lights up on front of tabs scene, if possible with back projection
denoting a forest . Enter Cinderella, weary, carrying
firewood )

CINDERELLA Oh dear, I'm so weary, I hope I've gathered enough
firewood for the kitchen fire, I've so much cooking to do. And I
must get back to Hardup Hall quickly, to get breakfast ready in time.
( Sighs). It would be so nice if my sisters Nausea and Phobia could
help me. But then, I'm sure that would only make things worse.
Thank goodness for Buttons,——What would I do without dear
Buttons? He helps me all the time, even though he has his own work to
do as well..till, I mustn't stand here day-dreaming, I must get
back and start breakfast..
( Enter Buttons )

BUTTONS Cinders, There you are ...

CINDERELLA Oh, Hello Buttons, I,m just on my way back to Hardup Hall
to make breakfast

BUTTONS Yes, I thought you would be, so I thought I,d come and find
you, and help you along. Here, let me take those

CINDERELLA Thank you, dear Buttons, I was getting rather tired, it,s
so kind of you to help me, I,d never get everything done on time
without your help, I,m sure.

BUTTONS Cheer up, Cinders, it,s my pleasure to help you, especially
when that stepmother of yours treats you so badly,——and those
step-sisters of yours——huh, they,d never help in a hundred years,
even if they could, they,re too busy looking in the mirror and trying,
no,——hoping to look pretty

CINDERELLA I often wonder why Daddy had to marry the Baroness.

BUTTONS I think it was because of something called an economic
crisis. Hello, what,s all this ?

( Enter Villagers, with horse, now recaptured )

VILLAGER Hello, Cinderella, Hello Buttons

BUTTONS Hello, What,s going on?

VILLAGER Old Hercules here broke loose and ran away, we chased him
all around the village before we could catch him.

CINDERS Poor old Hercules

BUTTONS Well, we must get along, Cheerio everyone, Cheerio.

Villagers Cheerio, Buttons, Bye, Cinders

( Exit Buttons and Cinders, As they leave,
Enter Hustle, Bustle and Squeak )

SQUEAK Stop! Hold up your hands, This is a stick-up

BUSTLE No, that,s not it. ( Pushes Squeak aside ) Halt! Hold up your
sticks. This is a hand uperer..

HUSTLE No, no, let me do it. HEY! Stick ,em up! This is a

SQUEAK No-o-ooo, Let me. Right. Stick up your hands and give me
your money.

BUSTLE No, If they stick up their hands, how can they give you their

HUSTLE Ok, Ok, Er, .. Er, Hold up your money and hand me your

SQUEAK So. It must be.All hold hands and stick your money.

BUSTLE But you have to say" This is a hold-up"

HUSTLE Ok, Hey, This is a hold-up

BUSTLE And a stick-up

SQUEAK And a hands-up

VILLAGER 1 OK, We get the message. So, what happens if we don,t
have any money?

HUSTLE No, you have to give us some money, we're gangsters.

BUSTLE Right, you,re scared we might shoot you

SQUEAK So give us your money

VILLAGER 1 We haven't got any money

VILLAGER 2 So—-Shoot

VILLAGER 3 What are you going to shoot us with?

VILLAGER 4 Right, Guns havn,t been invented yet

HUSTLE Don't worry, we're armed alright.

BUSTLE Squeak, show him your weapon

SQUEAK Right. Ha Ha Haaaa

( Produces ridiculous miniature bow and arrow)
( Villagers fall about laughing. Meanwhile, RUDOLF has entered and
witnessed the whole scene. He decides to intervene )

RUDOLF Now the, now then, what is going on here?

SQUEAK Stand back, or I,ll fire

RUDOLF ( Towering over Squeak ) Very well, shoot.

( Squeak dithers )

HUSTLE ) Shoot him, Squeak! Shoot him!

( Squeak shoots an arrow, which bounces harmlessly off Rudolf. Villagers
fall about laughing again )

RUDOLF Don't worry, folks, these are just three harmless fools, I
will take care of them. Please, continue on your way. Go on, away
with you to the village. Away.away

( Villagers and horse exit, laughing and joking)

RUDOLF Now, you three scoundrels, who are you, and what are you up to?

HUSTLE We,re just three honest gangsters, sir.

BUSTLE Trying to make an honest penny

SQUEAK We,d try anything for money, sir.

RUDOLF Really? Anything for money, eh?
BUSTLE ) Yes, sir. We,ll try anything.

RUDOLF I see. Very well. Gentlemen, I think I can help you.

H. B . S Really, Sir ?

RUDOLF Yes, I have a little plan, which you can help me with. You
see, there,s this Baron, Baron Hardup, who owes me a lot of
money,,,,,..And he seems to be brokehe can't pay.

HUSTLE Would you like us to go and throw him out into the street?

RUDOLF Yes, but noYou see ,..he has a very pretty daughter.

H. B. S Ah-ha.Ah-ha-ha-haaaa !

RUDOLF The lovely Cinderella

H.B.S Ah-ha Ha-ha-aaah

RUDOLF Yes, indeed, Ah-ha-ha-ha-HA! Hee-hee..if he is absolutely

I can force him to let me marry his daughter. Ha-ha-ha

H.B.S Ha-ha-ha.ha.haaaaaaa..

RUDOLF So, what you can do for me, isbreak into his house, Hardup
Hall,and steal anything that might be valuable,.Money,jewels,
anything you can find, to make sure that he is absolutely down-and-out
totally rock-bottom skint.

HUSTLE Then you move in.

BUSTLE Throw him out

SQUEAK And run off with his daughter !

RUDOLF Right!...I shall have my way with Cinderella Ha-ha-aaaaaaaa

( To Audience ) Won,t I, folks ?.... ( Audience No-o-o- )
Oh Yes I will ( Audience.. Oh no you won,t )

H.B.S Oh, yes he will

( Audience Oh no he won't, etc.this continues as Rudolf and H.B.S.
exit laughing, as audience " boos )

( Lights fade on exit.)

Act 1 Scene 3.

(Tabs curtain opens to reveal The Kitchen of Hardup Hall )

Baron Hardup is working on his latest invention

Enter Buttons )

BUTTONS Good morning, Baron Hardup. Working on another of your
inventions ? What are you up to this time ?

BARON Ah, Buttons, me lad, well may you ask, come and have a look, see
if you can guess —-I can,t..It,s supposed to be a machine that
can calculate numbers without a pen and paper , but , oh I don,t
know, it,ll probably never catch on.

BUTTONS Baron, the only useful thing you could invent would be a
machine to make money, and that,s illegal. You haven,t paid my wages
in six months, you know.

BARON What,s that, lad? Not paid your wages? Dear, dear, dear, we,ll
have to do something about that, now, won,t we? Tell you what, just
have a little patience, and when I make my fortune out of one of my
inventions, I,ll double your wages.

BUTTONS Double my pension, you mean.

BARON Oh, it won,t be that long, lad. Something,s bound to turn up
( Enter Cinderella, carrying bundles of sticks for the fire )

CINDERS Good morning, Daddy

BARON Good morning, Cinderella. Oh, dear, I do wish you didn,t have to
work so hard,- I really think your stepsisters might help a little.

CINDERS Never mind, Daddy, one day things will be easier.

BUTTONS They won,t be any easier today if we don,t get on with it,
I,ll give you a hand, or the breakfast won,t be ready, and then
there,ll be a noise.

BARONESS ( Offstage ) Cinderella ! ( Louder ) CINDERELLAAAAHH
( Entering ) Why don,t you answer when I call you, girl, and why
isn,t breakfast ready? Every time I turn my back you just laze

BARON Cinders was only..

BARONESS Silence, you ( to Cinders ) Either you are lolling around
with him, or wasting your time with Buttons. What do you think I keep
you for?

( Nausea and Phobia have now entered fussily behind Baroness )

NAUSEA Marmeee-e-e-e, Marmeee-e-e-e, Phobia just called me a big fat

PHOBIA And Nausea said something so wude I can,t even wepeat it
( Nausea and Phobia start kicking and scratching again )

BUTTONS Here, break it up you two. I,m surprised at you, I am really,
two great big girls like you. Why can,t you be more like your little
sister Cinders ?

PHOBIA Oh. You and Cindewella! You only say that because you want to
be her boy-.fwend

NAUSEA Look, she,s blushing.

BARONESS Is this true? How dare you aspire to be my son-in- law.?
You may take a month,s salary in lieu of notice.

BUTTONS Done! It,ll be the first money I,ve seen in six months!

CINDERS ( Busy cooking at the fireplace ) Breakfast is ready .

PHOBIA Not powwidge again, and it smells burnt. ( Flicks porridge
with spoon , hitting Nauseas dress )

NAUSEA Waaahhh! Phobia has messed my dress.

PHOBIA It was filthy alweady, cwy-baby!

BARONESS Now girls, eat your porridge, you do want to grow up nice
healthy young ladies, don,t you, and the way things are going, you,ll
be lucky to get porridge soon.

( Nausea and Phobia continue to scream and squabble )

BARON Can we never get a moment,s peace in this house?

( Nausea and Phobia continue fighting messily with porridge,
until a loud knocking is heard at the door. Buttons answers it.
DANDINI enters )

DANDINI Good morning, erI suppose this is Hardup Hall ?

BARON That,s right, young man.

DANDINI Andyou are..the gardener, I suppose ?

BARON Look here, young fellow, I,ll.

NAUSEA Father, your coronet ..!

( Nausea rushes to get Baron,s coronet, dusts it off and slams it
crookedly on his head )

DANDINI Oh, I beg your pardon, your lordship. I have come on behalf
of His Royal Highness, Prince Charming.

BARON The Prince! Ha-ha, at last, I knew it. At last , he has fallen
for my daughters charms.

DANDINI I have the honour of inviting your er-hm-m ch-charming
daughters to a Ball, to be given this evening, at the Royal Palace.

NAUSIA/ PHOBIA ( Dancing around ) "Whoopee, Hooway" - "We,re
going to the Palace " - " I,m going to dance with the Prince " -etc.

DANDINI Er, yes Now Baron, Your invitation for you and your wife.

BARON Accepts) Oh, er, thank you, Thank you, thank you.

DANDINI Now, which of you is the Honourable Nausea ?

NAUSIA Me! Me, that,s me, Nausea. Here I am.

DANDINI And Miss Phobia?

PHOBIA Hee-hee, One for ickle Phoby, Hooway!

DANDINI And, I have an invitation here for a third Miss Hardup,—a
Miss Cinderella, but she doesn,t seem to be here.

CINDERS I don,t suppose,—I mean,—-it couldn,t possibly

DANDINI What,s that, speak up girl.

BUTTONS You are speaking to Cinderella

DANDINI Is that——Cinderella? But surely there must be some mistake-

NAUSEA Poor old Cinders wouldn't be allowed to even look at the Prince

PHOBIA Hee-hee, Cindewella at the Palace, Widiculous!

DANDINI Well, it certainly seems strange to me, but I have promised to
deliver this invitation, so, Miss Cinderella, here you are. I hope you
have something to change into, though. Now, don,t forget, at the
Palace at ten o,clock tonight Goodbye!

ALL Good-bye—-Till tonight!

( Dandini exits .. Baroness, Nausea and Phobia dance around with joy.
Cinders sits quietly by the fire )

NAUSEA But Mumsey, what are we going to wear? I havn,t got a

PHOBIA Nor have I. We must go and buy some dwesses, and
tiwawas,,,and..and all the twimmings

BARONESS Quite right! Quite right! We must go to this ball as the most
elegant family in the kingdom. Come on girls, get your skates on!
We,re off to the shops! Look out ( Local Fashion shop ) here we come!

( Baroness takes large piggybank from the mantelepiece )

BARON Hey, you can,t take that money. Squire Rudolf will be coming at
any moment to collect the rent——and that is the rent money.

BARONESS Oh be quiet, you silly old man. My daughters and I will be
the belles of the ball, and Squire Rudolf can go and boil his head—come on, my little darlings.
( Exit Baroness, followed by Nausea and Phobia )

CINDERS ( Crying) Oh, it,s too bad, all I get is work, work, work,
and in these old rags, everyone thinks I,m only the maid.

BARON Never mind,lassie, things will improve—-just a little
patience. I,m going out to weed the pumpkin patch, come along and
help me, Buttons will start the dinner for you.

( Exit Baron and Cinders. Buttons remains, clearing up the mess )

( Cinders re-enters )

CINDERS Oh, Buttons, that dreadful Squire Rudolf is coming up the
path, and Nausea and Phobia have taken all the rent money. Whatever
shall we do?

BUTTONS Don,t worry, Cinders, leave Squire Rudolf to me.

( Knock on door )

BUTTONS Ah, There he is. Don,t be frightened, Cinders, I,ll teach him
a lesson this time

( Enter Rudolf,. Sweeping in and ignoring Buttons )

RUDOLF Aaah! Ha-ha-ha ! The charming Miss Cinderella, deeelighted to
find you at home. I have much to say to you. before
pleasure. First there is the tiresome matter of rental to settle with
your father.

CINDERS I,m sorry, Daddy isn't in.

RUDOLF Curious, very curious. As I passed the garden just now, I felt
sure I saw him leap into the dustbin.

CINDERS Er, oh, oh no, that would be the gardener, he always does

[end of extract]


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