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SCENE 1
Beautiful fairy tale music begins playing
Old Hag is sitting down stage right
She address’ the audience
We hear her voice while she is sitting in the dark
She speaks in a nice pleasant voice
OLD HAG: I suppose you want to hear a story? Perhaps a story about a
beautiful young girl that falls in love with a handsome and charming
prince and then they live happily ever after? I hate to break it to
you… (Spot light comes up on Old Hag and now in a more witch like
voice) but not all stories are as glamorous as that. (Laughs) In our
story the girl meets her prince alright, but he’s no prince
charming. He’s the ugliest prince that ever lived in the kingdom.
Two years running he was voted People Magazines ugliest man alive. To
many young girls, he was a nightmare come true. To Cinderella she felt
he would remain a nightmare. For you see, to the prince, as well as
any other heart stopped single ghoul, Cinderella was not like all the
other girls in the village. No. She had no warts. No long twisted
nose. Not even the sign of a slight hump on her back. For you see,
Cinderella was cursed. She was born… (Shudder) beautiful.
(Disgusted) She had milky skin and rose petal cheeks. And to make it
worse, she had silk spun hair. She was so different from all the rest.
When she was born, the mortician couldn’t believe his eye. While
shaking his head no and tapping his chin with his index finger for a
moment, the mortician shrugged his shoulders then said to
Cinderella’s father, “Sorry”. When the mortician finished
speaking he left the room. At that moment Cinderella’s father vowed
that he would raise his daughter like she was no different from the
rest. He did, however remove all mirrors from the house. When
Cinderella was but a small child, she lost her mother. Then a few
years later her father married again. But only a short time later
Cinderella lost her father. But she was lucky to have a new Evil
Stepmonster and two Twisted Stepsisters. Instead of me telling you the
rest of the story, perhaps I should read it to you. (Opening an old
book) Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far, away. Nope that’s the
wrong story. (Flipping through pages of the book) Who lives in a
pineapple under the sea? Oh never mind. It might be easier to have the
actors tell the story. (Spot light out)
SCENE 2
The inside of a dingy house
As the lights come up
Cinderella is down stage center on her knees scrubbing the floor with
a brush
Cinderella is a pretty young girl in a nice dress.)
Varney enters from upstage
Varney is a ragged old vulture
Probably a reject from the other vultures
VARNEY: Cinderella! What are you doing? You know you are not supposed
to be cleaning.
CINDERELLA: I know, but for some reason I just feel the need to clean
everything.
VARNEY: If your Evil Stepmonster knew you were cleaning she would be
very upset.
CINDERELLA: You won’t tell her will you?
VARNEY: Of course I won’t tell her.
CINDERELLA: Oh thank you Varney. You have been a good friend for many
years. What would I ever do without you?
VARNEY: You would probably clean the whole village. Then everyone
would come chasing after you with torches and pitchforks. So you’re
lucky you have me around to keep you out of trouble.
CINDERELLA: Yes I am lucky. You are the only true friend I have had
since I lost my father.
VARNEY: Well someone has to look after you and it might as well be an
old buzzard like me. I know I can never replace your father, but I
promised him I would always look after you.
CINDERELLA: (Thoughtfully) I really miss him Varney. My father was the
kindest person I ever knew.
VARNEY: Too bad he married your Evil Stepmonster.
CINDERELLA: She wasn’t always evil. It was a ghoulish tale romance.
They met at the annual mausoleum ball and it was disgust at first
fright. My father said he had never met anyone so ugly and he knew she
was the one. So they married a month later. Then I got a new Evil
Stepmonster and two Twisted Stepsisters all in one day.
VARNEY: Too bad he died shortly after they were married. Talk about a
corpse bride.
CINDERELLA: Yes. That’s when I realized what she was really like.
She wouldn’t let me clean the house anymore. She forced me to keep
it dirty.
VARNEY: Well it does look better this way. And with all the dead
gnarled up trees and bushes outside it does have great curb appeal.
And with all the other foreclosed homes in the area it fits right in
with the neighborhood. (By this time Cinderella is sitting downstage
left) What’s the matter Cinderella? You seem lost in thought.
CINDERELLA: I was just wondering if I will ever find anyone to fall in
love with. I am the most beautiful girl in the kingdom and everybody
runs from me. Oh how I wish I were ugly like my Twisted Stepsisters.
Then maybe someone would love me.
VARNEY: Some people can be very shallow. And I don’t mean the graves
they crawl out of. They only look on the outside. When they look at
you they only see the beauty on the outside and yes they are turned
away and they don’t realize that beauty is only skin deep. They
don’t realize how ugly you might be under all that beauty. I’m
sure if you are lucky, prince ugly will show up someday.
CINDERELLA: (Dreamy) The Prince. I have only seen him once from a far.
He was the most horrid person I have ever seen.
VARNEY: Cinderella. What are you thinking? I didn’t mean that prince.
CINDERELLA: Why not? Is it because I’m not ugly enough?
VARNEY: No! I didn’t mean that.
CINDERELLA: It’s no use anyway. The prince would never notice me.
VARNEY: Of course he would.
CINDERELLA: Yeah and then he would run screaming like everyone else.
VARNEY: Now you stop talking like that.
CINDERELLA: It’s a good thing my Evil Stepmonster keeps me locked in
this house all night. If I was allowed to roam the streets like the
rest of the street scum no one would ever come out of their crypt.
VARNEY: Well they would have to come out some time.
CINDERELLA: Yeah, if only to laugh at me and make fun of my beauty.
(Upset) Oh, how I wish that I were ugly. Why was I born so beautiful?
VARNEY: You’re still young. Maybe you’ll get ugly as you get
older. Maybe you can get several bungled face-lifts. It worked for
Joan Rivers.
CINDERELLA: It’s no use. I’m sure I will look like this forever.
VARNEY: Well, if you want to sit around all day and feel sorry for
yourself with a long face…that’s a good start.
GHOULZILLA: (Offstage and yelling) Cinderella! Where are you? I need
you this minute.
ICKMIRELLDA: (Offstage yelling) Don’t listen to her Cinderella. I
need you first.
CINDERELLA: Oh no. It’s my Twisted Stepsisters. I wonder what they
want.
VARNEY: You better hide before they have you carry another load of
topsoil up to their rooms.
Ghoulzilla and Ickmirellda enter pushing and shoving each other
If the Prince is the most eligible bachelor in the kingdom, the
Twisted Stepsisters must be the most eligible girls, because they are
the ugliest girls in the kingdom
GHOULZILLA: Ickmirellda, will you get out of my way? I need her more
than you do.
ICKMIRELLADA: That doesn’t matter Ghoulzilla. I’m Cinderella’s
favorite Twisted Stepsister.
GHOULZILLA: No you’re not. I am. (With pride) She does all these
horrible things to me. Remember those slugs I found in my mud bath?
Those were from Cinderella.
ICKMIRELLDA: That’s nothing. (Trying to outdo her sisters’ pride)
Remember those bats that got tangled in my hair the other day and gave
me this horrible hairdo? Where do you think those bats came from?
GHOULZILLA: (Shocked) She didn’t? Cinderella how could you?
CINDERELLA: (Kindly) Don’t worry Ghoulzilla and Ickmirellda. I hate
you both the same.
VARNEY: Good answer. Very diplomatic.
GHOUZILLA: Well it doesn’t matter who her favorite Twisted Stepsister
is. Cinderella, my clothes are too clean and I need you to take them
down to the swamp and dirty them up a bit.
ICKMIRELLDA: Not until after she takes another load of top soil up to
my room.
VARNEY: (To Cinderella) I told you to hide.
CINDERELLA: No worry Ghoulzilla. I’ll dirty up your clothes and
Ickmirellda, when I go down to the swamp I will bring you up a fresh
load of swamp mud. The moisture will help your skin to flake.
VARNEY: She’ll need the whole swamp for that.
ICKMIRELLDA: Ohh! Swamp mud. That sounds so relaxing.
GHOULZILLA: That’s not fair! What about me?
CINDERELLA: I’ll bring you some too Ghoulzilla.
ICKMIRELLDA: Just as long as I get mine first.
VARNEY: She does need a little more time with it.
GHOULZILLA: (Looking at spot where Cinderella was scrubbing at
beginning of scene) Something looks different in here. (Shocked)
Cinderella! Were you cleaning?
CINDERELLA: Just a little, but I won’t do it again.
ICKMIRELLDA: Mother’s going to have a cow if she hears about this. (To
Ghoulzilla. Excited) Let’s go tell her.
CINDERELLA: Oh please. Don’t tell her. I promise I won’t do it again.
I was just bored.
GHOULZILLA: (To Ickmirellda) Maybe we can give Cinderella enough
chores to do so she won’t clean again.
ICKMIRELLDA: Yes and then maybe we won’t tell.
GHOULZILLA: Good idea. I can use some fresh dust bunnies under my bed
every week.
ICKMIRELLDA: And I want a new layer of mold and mildew on my wall. My
allergies are clearing up. I need to get them going again.
CINDERELLA: Anything. Just don’t tell my Evil Stepmonster.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: (Entering behind Cinderella) Don’t tell me what?
VARNEY: (Trying to help cover) That she has a surprise for you. And
you almost spoiled it when you came in.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: Who and what are you?
VARNEY: I’m Varney. The vulture.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: (To herself) Why does every version of this story
have talking animals? Never mind. Cinderella, go dust the dining room.
There is a new bag of dust in the shed. You can use that.
GHOULZILLA: She was going to dirty up my dresses for me.
ICKMIRELLDA: And she was going to get me some swamp mud.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: She can do that after she dusts the dinning room.
Cinderella, now go!
CINDERELLA: Yes Evil Stepmonster.
Cinderella exits up right
EVIL STEPMONSTER: Ghoulzilla and Ickmirellda, stay here. I need to
talk to you.
VARNEY: What about me? What do I do?
EVIL STEPMONSTER: Whatever talking animals do. Why don’t you go with
Cinderella?
VARNEY: Ok.
Varney exits up right
GHOULZILLA: What is it you want to talk to us about Mother?
ICKMIRELLDA: We had nothing to do with what happened in here.
GHOULZILLA: Will you be quiet?
EVIL STEPMONSTER: And what happened in here?
GHOULZILLA: (Trying to cover for her sister’s slip) Ickmirellda
accidentally opened a curtain and the sun shone inside for a moment.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: Is that all? Well, I have something important to
tell you.
ICKMIRELLDA: What is it? Is Cinderella moving away?
GHOULZILLA: That wouldn’t be good. Who will aggravate the bunions on
my feet?
EVIL STEPMONSTER: This has nothing to do with Cinderella.
ICKMIRELLDA: Then what is it? Please tell us.
GHOULZILLA: Yes. I hope its bad news.
ICKMIRELLDA: Me too. That’s always the best kind.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: If you two will be quiet for a moment I will tell
you. The prince is having a special ball this evening.
GHOULZILLA: So, what does that have to do with us?
ICKMIRELLDA: Yes. He has those all the time. He’s always crying.
Especially when he doesn’t get his own way.
GHOULZILLA: I know. It is so romantic when he has one of his tantrums.
He’s so adorable.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: Not ‘bawl’. I said ‘ball’. (The girls give a
blank stare) Dance you fools. (Ghoulzilla and Ickmirellda look at each
other and begin to dance) Stop that. I didn’t say for you to dance.
I said the prince is having a ball! A dance! You two make me so angry.
ICKMIRELLDA: Glad we can help. We always do all we can.
GHOULZILLA: Yes. We wouldn’t want to see you in a good mood. That
would make you look too pretty.
Varney enters up right, but is not noticed by Stepmonster or sisters
He hides behind a bush and listens to conversation
EVIL STEPMONSTER: Will you two please be quiet for just a moment. This
evening the prince is having a ball. (Before the sisters can say
anything) A formal gathering…and he’s inviting all eligible young
girls to attend.
ICKMIRELLDA: I don’t think I want to attend.
GHOULZILLA: Me neither. The last one was such a happy occasion. I was
so bored.
ICKMIRELLDA: I know. Who cares that the prince lost two teeth from dry
rot.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: That was over fifteen years ago! And it wasn’t dry
rot. It was tooth decay.
GHOULZILLA: What’s the difference?
EVIL STEPMONSTER: I haven’t told you the best part yet.
ICKMIRELLDA: And what is that?
GHOULZILLA: Is he losing a toe to tooth decay this time?
Ickmirellda and Ghoulzilla both laugh
EVIL STEPMONSTER: You two are hopeless sometimes.
ICKMIRELLDA: I guess we need to try harder. I was hoping to be
hopeless all the time.
GHOULZILLA: Ickmirellda. You make me laugh so hard my side is
splitting.
ICKMIRELLDA: Maybe we can get Cinderella to stitch that up for you.
Both sisters laugh again
EVIL STEPMONSTER: Will the both of you please be quiet? If you will
listen for just a moment. At this ball…dance, the prince will be
choosing a bride.
GHOULZILLA: A bride? Then why are we invited?
ICKMIRELLDA: Yeah. Can’t he just go down to the local morgue and
pick one?
EVIL STEPMONSTER: You fools!!! He is going to pick one from all the
girls that attend. He will pick the ugliest girl there and I know both
of my precious hatchlings have the perfect chance to be his bride.
GHOULZILLA: Doesn’t he just want one bride?
EVIL STEPMONSTER: Yes, but either one of you will do.
ICKMIRELLDA: Well which one of us will he choose?
EVIL STEPMONSTER: I don’t really care. As long as he picks one of
you. So the two of you need to go musty yourselves up before the
event.
GHOULZILLA: What about Cinderella?
EVIL STEPMONSTER: What about Cinderella?
ICKMIRELLDA: Isn’t she going to the ball too? You did say all
eligible young girls.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: No she is not going. What chance would she have
anyway?
GHOULZILLA: We know she doesn’t have a chance.
ICKMIRELLDA: Right, but it would be fun taking her along for the
laughs.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: It doesn’t matter, she’s not going. It will just
be the three of us. Cinderella will stay locked up in her room.
Besides, I’m sure the Prince will choose one of you.
GHOULZILLA: Well I think he’s going to choose me.
ICKMIRELLDA: Why you? Why not me?
GHOULZILLA: Because I’m uglier than you.
ICKMIRELLDA: No you’re not! I’m the ugliest.
GHOULZILLA: I guess that’s why you need more swamp mud.
ICKMIRELLDA: How dare you!
Ickmirellda rips a pocket off of Ghoulzilla’s dress.
GHOULZILLA: Mother did you see that? She tore a pocket off of my
dress.
EVIL STEPMONSTER: That’s a good start. Now you’re almost ready for
the ball. Let’s get going. There is a lot to do.
All three exit up left
Varney comes out from behind Bush
Bush follows Varney down stage center
VARNEY: There’s a ball this evening and the Prince is going to
choose a bride? I know Cinderella probably doesn’t have a chance,
but if the invitation said all eligible young girls, she should be
able to go too. Maybe the Prince will see she’s not that bad even
though she’s not very ugly. Who am I kidding? Oh it doesn’t
matter. Cinderella should still be able to go to the ball and have
some horrible evening. I need to go find Cinderella and tell her.
There might be something we could do.
Varney runs off up right door
BUSH: Something we could do? Who does he think I am? I’m just a
talking bush. I haven’t done anything the eight years I’ve been in
this house. Why would I do something now?
Bush exits up right door as lights fade
[end of extract]
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