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ACT I
AT RISE: It is early one morning. JO and LINDA are busy getting ready
to open the restaurant. LINDA is in the dining room. JO is singing
softly to herself as she is busy getting the cafe organized.
JO:
Crazy, I’m crazy for feeling so lonely
I’m crazy, crazy for feeling so blue
I knew you’d love me as long as you wanted
And then someday you’d leave me for somebody new
(LINDA enters from Dining Room with a plate of donuts, and stops and
listens. JO does not see her. JO picks up a ketchup bottle and uses it
as a Mic. She goes to centre stage and now sings louder, as if she is
on stage. Spotlight on.)
Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond’ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I’m crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I’m crazy for loving you
Crazy for thinking that my love could hold you
I’m crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I’m crazy for loving you.
(Spotlight off, stage lights on.)
LINDA
Good Morning Jo. Is that from the stage play you and your fellow
thespians are rehearsing?
JO
I didn’t see you come in.
(startled and embarrassed)
No, it’s one of the songs that I might sing in the local talent show
on Friday night. I haven’t decided which one yet. I didn’t think you
were here yet.
LINDA
You’re too shy, Josie. You have a nice voice. You just sing in here
whenever you want.
JO
(Still embarrassed, changes the subject)
I have the dining room doors open, Linda, but I better get the main
door unlocked. It’s almost seven o’clock.
LINDA
Yes, we wouldn’t want Constable Larsen going through the glass in
that door. At least not until his probation period is over, on Friday.
I hope they are going to keep him in town. You know, (pause) I would
miss his morning visits.
JO
I kind of thought so. . .I see you have the donuts ready?
LINDA
Yep, we sure are lucky to have the Spudnut Shop in Lethbridge. You
can’t beat their donuts.
JO
I’ll say. They are the best donuts I’ve ever had. Why do they call
them Spudnuts?
LINDA
It’s because instead of regular flour they use potato flour, you
know from spuds. That’s what makes them so tasty.
JO
Boy, I have a lot to learn if I ever want to have my own restaurant.
(Pause)
You know, they should start a franchise. Maybe just sell coffee and
donuts.
LINDA
Well right now they deliver all around Southern Alberta. I don’t think
a business could survive on just selling coffee and donuts.
(Pause)
Not if they want to make any money.
JO
You’re probably right. It’s like that new restaurant, in Lethbridge.
Pizza is the only thing they make. Most people don’t even know what
pizza is. How can a restaurant just sell pizza?
LINDA
Yes especially in a city with only 20,000 people. I can see it maybe
in Calgary, where you have a lot to draw from. No wonder they have to
deliver until nine o’clock at night. Although how can anyone eat that
late?
JO
(Opens street door, then steps back while looking at her watch. She
counts out loud)
5, 4, 3, 2, 1. . .
(Constable LARSEN races in and heads straight to the donuts, and
quickly has a bite, then moves over near the counter to a stool.)
JO
One of these days I am going to get nailed.
LARSEN
Boy, are these donuts good. Did you make these, Linda?
LINDA
Uh. . . well, yes I did
LARSEN
Dee. . .licious. There’s nothing like a donut after a hard mornings
work.
(LARSEN rubs his stomach. He then continues eating the donut. LINDA
hands LARSEN a coffee.)
JO
(With puzzled look)
What time did you start?
LARSEN
Seven o’clock.
JO
(Looking at her watch)
Well, no wonder you’re so hungry. It’s 7:01.
LARSEN
Well, you know you got to keep those brain cells fed. Never know when
you need to solve a high profile case. In fact just yesterday, that
Richardson kid tried to pull a fast one on old Larsen.
(He puts his thumbs in belt and sways with importance. He goes back
to stool and sits down.)
I caught him skipping school. He tried to tell me he was going home
because he forgot his insulin, but I drove him right back to school.
LINDA
I bet that went over well with his Mother.
LARSEN
Yeah, I guess she phoned me after I had left work last night. She
probably wanted to thank me. Too bad I missed her, but it’s all just
part of the job.
(He stands up pulls his gun out of his holster, twirls it like a
gunfighter, does a fake shot and then blows smoke off the end.)
Say, its past seven. Where’s Kelvin?
LINDA
Kevin (With emphasis on the Kevin) is always a few minutes late.
(She walks to LARSEN and puts her finger in end of gun, and pushes him
back to seat.)
Holster it cowboy. We don’t want any shootings in here. His truck
never starts first thing in the morning.
LARSEN
He should bring it into the bus maintenance garage.
(Puzzled)
Who is the bus mechanic?
(KEVIN enters from street)
LINDA
Here is one of them now. Good Morning Kevin.
KEVIN
Good morning, Linda, Constable Larsen, Josie.
JO and LINDA
Good morning.
LARSEN
Howdy Gavin. We were just talking about you.
KEVIN
All good I hope.
(Laughs and the gives Jo a lingering look, then heads over and grabs a
coffee)
Well Constable Larsen, what’s new in the RCMP? Is your probation
period over soon?
LARSEN
It’s over Friday. But Chief Cranky. . . I mean Chief Crandall
hasn’t told me if I will be hired on. He keeps telling me they need
someone in the North-West Territories. Some place called
Tucked-toes-way-up-there.
LINDA
Don’t worry Constable; his bark is worse than his bite. Underneath
his gruff exterior he really isn’t that bad.
KEVIN
Don’t worry. You’ll be okay. I bet you’ll be trading in those rubber
bullets for the real things.
LARSEN
What!
(jumps up)
Rubber Bullets. . . He could have had me killed.
KEVIN
Whoa! Take it easy, I was only kidding.
LARSEN
I hope so. . . Say, Gavin, it must be nice working for Greyhound. Free
coffee. . . right in the same building.
JO
What are you talking about Constable Larsen? You never pay for your
coffee.
LARSEN
Yeah, but it’s not in the same building.
LINDA
Well sor. . .ry,
(She gives him an affectionate slap on the arm.)
Maybe we could have it delivered.
LARSEN
That’s okay; I wouldn’t want to miss that smiling face.
KEVIN
Maybe, we should leave these two alone, Jo
(He looks at LARSEN)
Well some of us have to get to work. Take it easy guys.
(He heads out to the bus garage)
(Phone rings)
LINDA
Good Morning, The Java Shop and Greyhound Bus Depot.
(Pause)
Why yes, he is here. Just a moment please. Constable Larsen, I think
it’s Mrs. Richardson.
LARSEN
(He struts over to the phone.)
I thought she would phone back?
JO
We had the same feeling.
LARSEN
Yes this is I.
(He holds phone away from body as a loud voice is yelling over the
phone.)
But. . .But. . .But. . .Yes Sir. . .I’m sorry Mam, you yell just like
the chief.
(He hangs up phone gently)
Well. . .guess I better get back to work. Hmm yah. . .villains to
catch.
(He slinks out of the restaurant.)
LINDA
(Waves goodbye to LARSEN then speaks on microphone) Greyhound bus 246
from Los Angeles, Salt Lake City, Great Falls, and Cardston has
arrived in Lane 1. Passengers continuing to Calgary can now Board bus
421 in Lane 3. Bus 101 to Lethbridge, Medicine Hat, Swift Current,
Regina, Brandon, Winnipeg, Port Arthur, Fort William, Sudbury, Barrie,
and Toronto will be boarding at eight o’clock in Lane 2.
CHANTICO
(Enters, from waiting room)
Hallo, my name is Chantico, I see you have sign in window, for kitchen
help.
LINDA
That’s right. Have you any experience, Chantico.
CHANTICO
Jas. I work at fancy restaurant in California. I was Head Bus-Boy
Girl.
LINDA
(Impressed)
How many Bussers did they have?
CHANTICO
One.
JO
Moved up the ranks quickly I see.
CHANTICO
Jas.
LINDA
What other work experience do you have?
CHANTICO
I was a border guard in a village right on the Mexico, US border. I
was very good at it. While I was on duty there was only one illegal
that ever got into the United States, from that border crossing.
JO
Wow, what ever happened to the illegal?
CHANTICO
I got a job in a restaurant in California.
(pause)
But this time I have all my papers to come to Canada. I save my money
to bring my mudder to Canada. I will buy her a new truck so she can
bring all her things with her. That is why I need this job. If I
don’t work they will send me back.
(She gets on knees, and is crying)
Please don’t let them send me back. Please.
LINDA
Now, now please stop crying, I won’t let them send you back. Mr.
Craig did tell me he would be at the cafe in Waterton Lakes all week,
so if someone good came in, that I should hire them. You can have the
job.
CHANTICO
(Hops up, as if nothing happened)
Thank you. I can start right away. I will look for a room after.
LINDA
I know the Police Chief has a small suite above his garage that he
would like to rent. I will call him and see if it’s still available,
it’s very reasonable. I guess no one wants to live next door to a
policeman. You know, it would be okay if you want to start tomorrow.
CHANTICO
No, today would be better; I will need money to pay for the room.
LINDA
(Laughs)
Okay, you will find a uniform in the kitchen. Just go through the
dining room, to get to the kitchen. Now, I better take down the help
wanted sign in the waiting room window.
CHANTICO
(Hands her a ripped up sign)
I did it for you.
JO
Now that’s a positive attitude.
CHANTICO
Jas. I was positive no one else would apply. You won’t be sorry. I
will be the best Bus-Boy Girl in the Java Shop. I will get on my
uniform.
(She goes out the wrong exit to the bus garage.)
LINDA
Well Jo, anything new in the works, lately? I see he was casting eyes
at you.
JO
(Gives her a thumbs down)
I doubt that. I don’t know what to do; I just don’t think he is
interested in me. Why he hardly says a thing to me. Just small talk.
Very small talk.
LINDA
You’re still talking about Kevin? I thought he talked all the time.
JO
Not with me. He just doesn’t show any interest. Why won’t he ask me
out?
LINDA
Well I don’t think it’s that. I see that glaze in his eyes, when he
looks at you. Maybe it’s more that he thinks you are not interested in
him. Maybe you need to take the lead.
JO
Well, I am just not the type of girl that asks a guy out.
LINDA
You don’t have to ask him out. You just have to show him that you are
interested in him. Flirt with him a bit. Then if he’s interested he
will ask you out. Why. . . it’s the Law of Nature.
JO
Well how do I do that? I’m not good at that sort of thing. Linda,
you’re good at flirting, maybe you can give me some ideas?
LINDA
Well, (pauses) you have to give him that look.
JO
What look?
LINDA
You know. . . kind of sexy, and if that doesn’t do it, maybe just a
wee bit sleazy.
JO
Oh, like you do with the Constable.
LINDA
Hmm, I didn’t know it was that obvious. . . Yes that kind of look. And
you need some body language.
JO
Like how?
LINDA
Let me show you. It will be easier.
(She sits in chair, leans onto table with her elbow, flicking her hair
and looks sexy)
Now slouch back a bit. Undo a button, emphasize your assets and then
say,
(MAC walks in his overalls, as LINDA is pushing up her bra and looking
sexy towards JO)
“How’re you doing? You’re looking good today.”
MAC
Whoa… sorry, to interrupt ladies, I was just checking to see if Bill
and Leroy were here.
LINDA
Don’t be stupid Mac. I was just showing Jo, how to. . . huh. . . act
for a play she is rehearsing in.
MAC
Yes, I heard, she was in a play.
(Gives a big wink, and then he heads back to the garage with a big
grin on his face as if he doesn’t believe a word)
Well, back to work, I’ll leave you matchmakers alone.
(He is laughing as he leaves)
LINDA
See, that body language stuff works; we had him fooled. . . for a few
seconds anyway. Give that a try.
JO
Well maybe, if nothing else works, I might have to try it.
LINDA
I’m sure it will work. Kevin is like you. . . shy. He just needs some
encouragement
(LINDA heads into dining room.)
CHANTICO
(Enters from garage wearing mechanics coveralls)
This uniform isn’t very clean.
JO
(Laughing)
You went the wrong way. The kitchen is this way. I’ll show you.
(They leave)
(LARRY and BOB enter restaurant, looking suspiciously behind them, and
then they sit down at far table. They are carrying a large duffle bag.
An extension cord is hanging out of it)
BOB
So what’s the big score, you keep talking about, and is that why
we’re here?
[end of extract]
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